Thoughts!

Do you ever feel like you are losing your old self and becoming something new? Not that it is necessarily a bad thing, because change is good sometimes. But no matter how hard I try to go back, I find myself moving forward instead. I mean to say that I have not lost who I am or what I stand for, or what I want and believe in life. Well let me see if I can explain.......lately I've just been feeling like something is out of place......I guess. Well I usually read about 5 books at a time and I write in my journal regularly; but for some reason this year I have stopped reading my leisurely novels and I don't write in my journal as often as I used to! It's been weirding me out a little because I love to read; reading is one of my passions in life! I still read my scriptures and I have been reading more verses than I usually do; because I want to get through the Book of Mormon again and I want to read the Pearl of Great Price cover to cover.

Another thing is.....I have been in two accidents already this year and they were both within a month; and I almost got in another one when I ran that red light coming home from the gym; and that right there is not like me at all, because I don't get into accidents. Although I am so grateful to have a Heavenly Father that watches out for me, because I could have ran that red light and hit that van and I probably would have been seriously hurt or maybe even dead, or the person in the van could have been hurt or dead!

Even though I have been seeing the big picture a little better and Heavenly Father has been answering my prayers; and I have been trying to be a better person and friend, I feel like I should do more for my friends but whatever it is I can't seem to think of it or I must be overlooking it.

One of my best friends is having a hard time because her father has cancer and I haven't seen her in over 4 months, I have had family with cancer, my aunt (and she was one of my favorite aunt's) had bone marrow cancer and died from it, and one of my cousins had to go through chemo twice. So I feel her pain but I don't know what else to say to her other than that I am here for her, and I am praying for her, and I am sorry for her. Another friend of mine I have kind of neglected because she lives out of state and it's hard sometimes to know what to say; and sometimes when I can talk to her I find I don't have a whole lot to say, and it drives me a little crazy and I get upset with myself because I should have tonz of things to tell her.

Then another friend is going through a hard time because of personal reasons, and all I can do is say that I am there for this friend if they ever want to talk, because their secrets are safe with me. Another thing bothering me is that I feel like I am moving on and leaving one of my friends behind or that I am moving and she is just standing still; and I want to help her and I have tried....but I am running out of ideas, and I don't want to leave her behind; she has been one of my most truest and trusting friends that I probably will ever have. These are friendships I care deeply about.

And I want all my friends to know that no matter what happens I will always be here for them.